wanna go halves on a baby?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
