Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
