I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The air taste purple.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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