I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
