you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize