Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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