remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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