I'm eating all of the evidence.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize