I wannas sexs uuuuu
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
