We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
