You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
