booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize