it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
