That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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