guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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