GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My feet surprised me
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