even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
