Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
