I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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