genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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