I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
