dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
