Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
