i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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