you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
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