Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My breasts were aching with rage.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
