Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
