ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
