i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
