wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Drunk is a universal language darling
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
