it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
