I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
