sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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