I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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