Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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