I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
