On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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