When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize