OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
