we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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