So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
