We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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