I want to make a zoo with you.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
