I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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