you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
