I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
