these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
