it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
