Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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