I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
