**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I looked at my own cervix.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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