A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
