So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
