we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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