She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
