So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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