Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
