So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize