i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
