We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
