The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
