Dual....:-)
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
