I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
