More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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