I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
