Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
