She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
